“Perhaps we should love ourselves so fiercely that when others see us they know exactly how it should be done.”
– Rudy Francisco
Growing up we deal with a lot of societal pressure on how to look, how to act, and ultimately who to be. I find it really interesting because as humans we all have this desire to fit in. A survival instinct no doubt. But in the process of trying to fit in, whether it be through fashion, music, health & fitness, or anything really we can end up losing ourselves.
It’s not surprising either.
As women we are constantly being bombarded with images of how we should look. First there was the need to be model thin like Kate Moss, until that switched to being curvy like Kim Kardashian or Kylie Jenner. Then there’s the make up trends that went from super thin eyebrows to taper fade eyebrows (hello Nike check mark) to somewhat bushy brows. And lets not get on fashion. It changes faster than we can change our clothes. The only thing that I’ve seen that’s stayed consistent for years are the beloved skinny jeans.
Media’s standards are always changing and we as a society are always trying to fit in. But sometimes we just need to take a step back and remember who we are and what actually makes us happy. Not what we’re told will make us happy.
We need to remember self-love. Because what’s more important than how we think and feel about ourselves?
Society tries to give a false perception of self-love. That’s it’s something that costs rather than something that’s created.
But true self-love doesn’t cost.
True self-love reminds you that how YOU value yourself is most important and is what will make or break you.
True self-love allows others to see how they should love you and themselves (take notes from Rudy Francisco).
Remembering to douse yourself in a some self-love means remembering to take care of your own well being and happiness.
I wanted to lend a hand to anyone that may be struggling to maintain that self love because, if we’re being real, we all struggle with it at some point in our lives. Here’s the best advice I’ve ever received on self-love.
The best advice on self-love:
Be self aware. Acknowledge your flaws but focus on your best qualities.
Talk to yourself everyday about what’s great about you and your life. This can be in the morning when you wake up, before you go to bed, or some time during the day. But just take a couple minutes for self appreciation.
Meditate. This is one of the best ways to be mindful and self aware. Find a quiet spot to sit for 15 minutes and just focus on your breathing. In and out. If a thought comes through your head let it pass through but continue to focus on your breathing. Meditation is one of the best stress relievers and a great way to be self aware and in the moment.
Write down things that you’re grateful for. Whether it be in a notebook or on the notes app on your phone, take a minute to reflect so that way if you’re ever feeling down and need a boost of confidence you can go back to it.
Be selfish. Focus on you and your goals.
Spend more time on your hobbies and doing things that you love. Sometimes we are always on the go and a really good way to regroup is to take some “me” time. Even just 30 minutes a day is a great way to get ourselves in a more positive state of mind.
Try new things that you’ve always wanted to try. This goes with spending time on things that you love. Don’t have any hobbies or access to them? Try something else that you might like. Who knows? It could become your new favorite thing to do.
Learn when to say no and stop stressing yourself out by giving yourself to everyone. A lot of times we lose ourselves because we are giving too much of ourselves to others. Sometimes it’s a matter of saying no or de-cluttering and getting rid of unnecessary responsibilities to help our overall well being.
Stop comparing yourself to others.
There is always going to be someone better than you in some way. No matter how you look at it we all have things that we are great at and things that we are not so great at. There are things people envy about us and things that we envy about other people. Our life experiences are all different, and that’s OK because we all have something to offer.
Compare yourself to yourself instead of other people. It’s one thing to look for inspiration but don’t compare yourself to others whether it be because you think you look better or that they do. In the long run it doesn’t benefit you to put yourself down, or to put someone else down. Just focus on being the best version of you.
D.I.Y. your state of mind.
Self-love comes from within. We have to stop looking for outward things to make us happy. People and material things should only enhance the happiness that we already have within ourselves.
Be your own best friend and your biggest motivation. Lift yourself up. Sometimes there isn’t going to be anyone around to help you fight your battles. Especially if it’s mental or emotional. You have to be willing to talk to yourself, lie to yourself even, to put yourself in that positive feel-good bubble.
Look at your mistakes as lessons learned. Don’t beat yourself up, just try again. This was one of the hardest things for me to learn. When I fail at something I will try again. And again. And again. And then I give up. But there have been times that I realize that I gave up way too early and if I would’ve just pressed on I would’ve been successful.
If there’s something that you really want like a job, money, a relationship, or just to get good at something then there are more than likely going to be some obstacles along the way. But if you know that once you get to that thing you want that you’re going to feel amazing then what does it matter how many attempts it takes for you to get there? Enjoy the ride.